nostalgia

I didn't actually expect to cry, i just did, i cried.

I did another, yet another, mount st. helens.

All i did was pass Ms Yip the letter i wrote her and said," i hope this makes you cry". Which now i suspect was the wrong thing to say because it just triggered this dam of tears i never knew i had and they out-poured themselves rght in front of teachers and students and the rest of the hyatt hotel to see. Don't i just love the attention.

So there i was bubbling right in front of Ms Yip and i was in this weird state of shock and sadness, wtaching everyone watch me watch the reaction on her face. i think she was rather taken aback by my sudden out burst, she offered tissue as usual and her hugged me.

I suppose I'm glad i did because i wanted her to know how much i will miss her and how much our friendship meant to me. I know wht Mrs Wong said is true," this is not goodbye, it's till we meet again", but it's different. After i officially leave school (which i have since last night) it will never be the same, I cannot just go to the staff room whenever i feel like i have to talk to her, i cannot just sit in the front seat of her car.

Last night i felt like i was in a frantic rush to take pictures with everyone, i felt as though i needed to imprint that night into my mind forever, collecting memories of everyone, how they looked, how they laughed, how they were, are, perhaps will be, a part of my life. As i have mentioned before it feels strange to know that i will not be wearing the same uniform, the same badge, going through the same routine i have for the last ten years or so. I actually realise how much, how important my shcool means to me; how much i will miss it.

Although this comes as no surprise, the impact of it is much greater than i ever imgained it to be. i knew eventually that i would leave, that i would be singing the school song for the last time. i've realised how much CHIJ has moulded me into the person i've become today, how lucky i am to possess unchanging life values, how significant my secondary education has been for me. it is true what Pa said that these four years in school will change me into the person i will be for the rest of my life, with that said i am proud and honoured to say that because of IJ i like who i am as a person, i feel a sense of confidence in myself.

I've been given the green card to succeed in whatever i do.